In the July 27, 2020 issue of People magazine Melody Chiu writes that Jada Pinkett Smith helped save her marriage to Will Smith
By confronting her “emotional immaturity” during their
separation (p. 41)
Emotional immaturity has two components, understanding your emotions and managing those emotions. Emotionally immature people cannot reap the benefits of marriage as well as the emotionally mature can. Emotional immaturity accounts for why some couples divorce and some don’t.
If you are not getting everything out of your marriage that you would like, take a lesson from Jada and conduct an emotional maturity check-up.
In Gary Marshall’s 1990 film, “Pretty Woman,” Richard Gere plays a business tycoon who announces after years of therapy he can finally say, “I am angry with my father.” It may not seem like a big breakthrough, but we are all better off knowing how we feel. It can be very liberating. Knowing how we feel can sow the seeds of change in us.
WHAT MAKES PEOPLE CHANGE?
WHY DO PEOPLE CHANGE?
Last week Dr. Oz told his radio audience that one of the most important things he learned form Oprah was that people don’t change because of what they know, they change because of how they feel. Do you recall that last time you changed because of how you felt?
FIVE QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER BEFORE THERAPY
You may want to give these five areas some thought before attempting to contact a therapist.
1. What do I want to get out of therapy?
2. What is preventing me from reaching my goals?
3. How urgent is therapy for me at this time?
4. How willing am I to change?
5. How can I tell if a therapist is a good fit for me?
Consider these questions before making the call, and you will be ahead of the game.
“SMILE GOING UNDER”
The first riveting bumper sticker I ever say was on the back of a semi truck trailer. It read, “If You Can’t Stop, Smile Going Under.” I have been a connoisseur of bumper stickers ever since. What is the funniest bumper sticker you ever saw?
2020 marks 15 years that I have been doing marriage counseling. Bob Newhart’s skit is a reminder how easy it is to do therapy wrongly. https://youtu.be/Ow0lr63y4Mw
DEFUNDING THE POLICE
Back in the olden days, they used to defund the police– that is made patrols not worth the police department’s while– in communities by obeying the law. I wonder if that would still work today.
“NEW” COVID-19 CASES
Here in Florida we have unprecedented numbers of people waiting in long lines for hours to get checked for COVID-19. Is it any wonder there are so many “new” cases of COVID-19? But, just because I was infected without symptoms three months ago and I finally get to the front of the test line, doesn’t mean my case is “new.” If we want the number of “new” cases to go down, maybe we should just try not getting tested, if we don’t have the symptoms.
BLACK LIVES MATTER
Until Chicagoans get the message that black lives matter, for now, perhaps they should go with “Black Children’s Lives Matter.”