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February 2021


This week in counseling a few of my clients needed reminding they are not the total sum of what they have done or what has happened to them. In fact, the real you is what is left after you strip away your experiences. If we do not, we view our self-worth through the lens of shame.

The lens of shame limits our self-worth to be no greater than our worst shame. Many of us are not proud of what we have been through. When we use shame to define ourselves, we always undervalue our self-worth.

The human condition is such that we usually see only ourselves through the lens of shame. We do not value the worth of our friends, or even our pets, in terms of their experiences. We take them at face value apart from what they have been through. We should step back and apply to ourselves the same criteria that we use to determine the worth of others.


This week in counseling I have had a rash of clients who have become disenchanted about who their partners have become after first love. It reminds me of buyer’s remorse. We create a relationship with something, and then regret it.

Marriage can be like that. If we don’t put our best foot forward, we run the risk of not falling in love. The downside to being in love is that we stop being the people we really are. The real us doesn’t come around again until after the wedding, and then comes buyer’s remorse.

This Valentine’s Day make a commitment to preventing your spouse from having buyer’s remorse. Instead, do something that will make your spouse glad they married you and don’t give buyer’s remorse a foothold.